Monday, September 22, 2014

Soapbox: Getting Back into the Groove

Find the beauty in the smallest of things

I've been neglecting my blog. I didn't intend to but that is what has happened. Honestly, this year has been very tough and stressful on me. I'm not sure if I had previously said this, but my husband had lost his job last year in June. We have been without an income for over a year. Well, let me tell you, just getting basic needs met has been a HUGE stress. Really, one that Cowboy Preacher lugged on. I imagine there are others out there who understand how it is. The looks people give you as if you aren't also looking for a job, any job to help out. For myself, I listened to my husband and let him deal with the financials for the most part. I dealt with getting nourishing meals to everyone and figured out what I could make with the things I had on hand for the day to day living. It has been a blessing that I know how to make soap as I have used that skill to keep the house in soap and cleaning supplies. Still, it is terrible humiliating to buy the small things we have to buy with coins. I had a manager looking over my shoulder one time and another time, the cashier told me I couldn't use that many coins again because it make their drawers heavy.  It is difficult to skimp and save just so you can have toilet paper. At times, it really was painful to see all that abundance in the store and know that I really couldn't afford to buy a simple shirt/dress/pants/socks/underwear for my kids. Other times, we would walk through the store and put things on our wishlist. Those were a bit nicer to think about but still with an undercurrent of stress. In the end, it has always been the Lord's blessings on us that got us through.

I have to admit, I didn't have such a problem at first with this whole lack of income thing. Really, it has inspired my creativity and reinforces my faith. It has been an amazing time to see how my Creator's hand has been guiding even the smallest things in my life. The tiny miracles have gotten me through so many difficult times. The set of events that really got to me was that I couldn't write and make my videos due to equipment malfunctions. I share my laptop with my boys; part of it was school and part of it was leisure. Well, my laptop is getting up there and it is a very bad design as the video card is right next to the dinky little fan and constantly overwhelms it. I have a little setup where my laptop is on a wire rack 9 inches off my desk with a small desk fan blowing on it to keep the laptop from overheating and shutting down. I can't be comfortable typing 9" in the air. I can't edit my videos because my video card overheats and kills my computer. My external hard drive is still being fixed and I have neglected to save onto DVD-r because I have at least 44 GB of pictures on my laptop and I have no income and so I cannot buy more dvd-r. I have a limited supply and I keep those around so I can rip a dvd sermon for Cowboy Preacher whenever he needs to send out one for his resume. So you understand, I don't like to possibly kill my laptop for good over my writing and making/editing/uploading videos. But I really miss it. And I don't think I realized how much I really needed to continue to at least write.

Well that is so depressing. That is what you want to read isn't it, how my life is so stressed and how my expensive equipment is failing, right? What can I say, this is what I'm dealing with right now. But I can tell you that just writing this post has been a wonderful stress reliever. Even in this time of little, my family has been blessed so many times. I give all glory and honor to my Lord, Jesus. I have decided that I am going to show a little more of the real me. I always wanted to write, but usually I try to write happy little encouraging things. Well sometimes, life hits and hits hard. My little controlled facade was breaking apart and was helping me to fall apart. Generally, I try to show be "real", but within the nice happy way. Sure, I'd post some of the bad, but most of it was hidden away. This year has been hard and I had my head in the sand online.

So what has changed? Well, my husband finally got his other laptop fixed so his old computer was available for the heavy video card stuff. Blessings from Above. We have had a few interviews (Pastor/Ministers are one of the few positions that that whole family is scrutinized.) Blessings from Above. (As to secular jobs, do you know how horrible it is to get the "overqualified" reason as to why they don't want to hire you? Seriously, clerking at the gas station is a glorious job when you have to pay bills and put food on the table. Qualified or not, no job is still no job and no money and generally, no food, electricity, water, gas or any other necessity.) Last week we were seriously behind in all utilities, and then an unexpected gift was given. Blessing from Above. One of the interviews told us they went with the other guy and we hadn't heard from the other. Then Cowboy Preacher received an invitation to interview with another church. Blessing from Above. Now, I have to say that pretty much describes this whole last year of living without an income. So what has really changed? My heart. Instead of lamenting and lamenting and begging and pleading, I started having a great conversation with Jesus. I gave thanks to my blessings, but even better was laying down my burdens on Him and NOT picking them back up. My faith is in God, He will take care of me. Maybe not necessarily to my wants, but in what is necessary. Blessings from Above.

Guess what, that means my blog is changing again. But that is to be expected, after all creative types are notoriously flighty. He he he, yes, I willing admit to being a flighty person, perhaps not all the time, but still flighty. Okay, I didn't want to say blonde, but yeah, that is what I meant. My daddy always said that if I didn't have Korean blood in me, I'd have been born blonde. Yes, as in the blonde jokes. Being blonde is AWESOME! So what is Cowboy Preacher's puns fly over my head like a 747, can he make a soap that looks and smells like a brownie? (Actually, he has forbidden me from making soap that looks and/or smells like food. Do you know what I say to that? Piffle! I may not see the use for making a cupcake soap, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to make one. **Hint: cupcake soaps trials in the future**)

Back to the blog, yes, I can and love meandering, there will be more personal stuff, crafty stuff, sewing stuff, practical stuff and whatever "floats my boat" stuff. I know that in the standard that usually a blog is about one or two topics, but you know what, this is MY blog. I don't have the time or the energy or the will really to keep more that this blog and my videos. I homeschool my kids, I make soap, I sew, I craft and I read lots of stuff. So basically this blogs is going to reflect me. I'm not out writing for the money, although that would be nice. I'm writing to express me. True, the blog will probably be heavy on the crafty side, but that is me as well. The passive aggresive me with the strange introvert who likes to give parties but is content to sit back and enjoy the chaos. I like to meet people, but I don't like to talk a lot. Well, unless it is a subject I do talk a lot about. Which is soap, soap making and soap design. Hopefully also more about my true and abiding love of Christ.

I have my computer back solely to myself and I finally found my dayplanner/homebook after several moves. I'm getting back into the groove and I have a lot to say. Now, I just have to get a little organized. Can a flighty person be organized?

Blessing to you from one who was stressed out but is not anymore. I have a set of strong shoulders holding up my burdens whenever I remember to lay them down.

Godspeed to you and yours.

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